I was recently in an emergency situation. As usual, my friend and I had drunk too many espressos, and the nearest toilettes were in a café in the center of Paris. My French friend spoke to the waiter at the bar and he pointed her toward the downstairs bathroom. But when I followed behind her, the snotty waiter stood in my way. I asked him in perfect French if “the toilets were forbidden to Americans,” and he responded in his haughtiest tone, “Oui.“

It was such an absurd display of rude Parisian service that I had to laugh — but I tried not to laugh too hard, as I still hadn’t found a bathroom that wasn’t restricted to Americans.

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