I received a bizarre email from a past lover who is now buried in an unfortunate conjugal bed. It seems that his desires for me have been resuscitated, or maybe they never died. Unfortunately, his grand gesture came out as a somewhat violent proposition for “intense physical engagement (no holds, no limits, fully engaged blow your mind)”….whatever that means. The desperate cries of a lonely man came off as an offensive and degrading proposal with little romance or sentiment attached. He even created a phony GMail account with a cheesy Italian pseudonym in order to cover up his tracks in case his wife abducts his Blackberry or breaks into his emails.

I am leaving for Paris in seven days and am excited to reunite with a man from my past who is NOT (and never will be) a Wanker of the Week like the above mentioned fellow. The Parisian homme has impeccable taste in art objects and a refined coolness to his personal styling—The Sartorialist should be so lucky as to catch him smoking outside of the Café de Flore in his ostrich-skin belt. But more importantly, he respects women and is absurdly funny. I asked him if he would pick me up at Charles de Gaulle airport, and he responded:

“je serai a l aeroport a 11 30 BIG LOVE”
Translation:
“I will be at the airport at 11:30 BIG LOVE”

On a somewhat unrelated note, I just read that the Iranian government has set up a “marriage bureaux” to help young people find spouses. According to the BBC News, “Iranian women complain of a shortage of suitable marriage prospects.” Maybe they should flee to Paris.

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