Train travel can be an ecstatic experience, even simply on short trips between city and countryside.

Gauche Things to do [especially as a middle-aged man] on a train:

1. Reading pornographic picture books.

2. Drinking alcohol (that you brought from home).

3. Watching The Lizzie McGuire Movie on your laptop. Even more gauche would be to watch the bootlegged version of the new Twilight movie.

4. Listening to music using low-grade headphones that reveal to the entire train car that your playlist includes one or more of the following: Miley Cyrus, Shakira, Lady Gaga.

5. Reading US Weekly or In Touch magazine to catch up on the latest reality television news stories.

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