One of the most socially and morally detestable things about Yale is its self-important, over-endowed secret society system. The lavish windowless buildings have their own groundskeepers, and their well-decorated underground tombs have their own chefs. Though one of the more architecturally uneventful societies, Skull & Bones is the most “celeb-worthy,” boasting John Kerry and George Bush in its ranks (who, incidentally, received impressive straight-C report cards while at Yale). Skull & Bones is so secretive that one of its current members, a flamboyant gay boy, mentioned it in an interview for the “50 Most Beautiful” edition of the gauche collge humor tabloid, The Rumpus. He also gave an explicit account of his ideal alpine tryst with a young red-headed rower—the Old Boy’s Club of Skull & Bones has definitely evolved into the twenty-first century.

Skull & Bones has also been in the news recently on account of their alleged theft of some precious items belonging to the famous Apache chieftain, Geronimo. The rumor is that Bush Senior Senior and some of his distinguished college buddies were the culprits who stole, well…quite literally, Geronimo’s Skull & Bones.

Personally, it sounds like some gauche initiation rite that George Senior Senior and his entourage would have embarked on in a drunken stupor. If there’s any truth to it, all I have to say is, “If you’re going to pretend to be creepily obsessed with elaborate mock-Gothic rituals, then at least have the decency to hoard your own remains in your over-priced tombs.”

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