Finally finished with university, a land of prestige-seekers and Type A goons, I have been dropped in the most undesirable of places: ‘the job market.’ My first irritating duty while residing in this locale is to craft those dreaded documents called ‘cover letters.’

Gauche things to say in a cover letter:

1. “I am writing to express my interest in filling the opening.”

2. “I am willing to assume any position necessary.”

3. “I’ve always wanted to work under you, but I’m also willing to rise to the top.”

4. “I’m at my best when things get hard.”

5. “I’m very flexible under pressure.”

6. “Although one of my faults is a tendency not to create long-term commitments, I do inspire people to quick—even ’seat of the pants’—decisions.”

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