Sometimes it’s nice to steal things even when it’s not necessary. In fact, rich people are often the most dangerous ones prowling through luxury department stores. I’m sure that Winona Ryder had something other than pinching pennies on her mind when she scooped up 5,000 dollars worth of Marc Jacobs and Gucci items at her corner Saks Fifth Avenue. The phenomenon of kleptomania is like many destructive addictions, such as alcoholism, or watching reality TV: it seems like a good idea at the time, but after you’ve passed out in the shower, buried in floral print blouses, having watched 48 hours of Jessica Simpson prancing around her McMansion wearing velour, you realize that your favorite pastime is a destructive one.

I had a firsthand experience with thievery in the notoriously “ghetto” New Haven. Anticipating the closing of the campus dining halls, I became anxious about my access to food while squatting in my dorm room during the coming weeks. My friend and I decided to “get even” with our exorbitantly priced meal plans. In the space of 72 hours we went on an ultra-gauche shopping spree and stealthily pilfered the following items: 1 carton vanilla soy milk, 4 boxes Kashi Heart to Heart cereal, 2 boxes Cinnamon Life/Cracklin’ Oat Bran/All-Bran/granola, 4 c. Quaker Oatmeal, 1/2 c. cashew nuts, 3 c. chocolate sprinkles, 8 slices luncheon meats, 1 c. hummus, 2 c. grape tomatoes, 2 c. yogurt, 36 Anjou pears, 5 bananas, 49 apples, 12 oranges, 1 loaf potato bread. It sounds like a recipe for disaster. And in the end we have decided to book it to Manhattan and leave all our precious rationings behind.

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