When things go sour in a relationship, some find it necessary to express themselves in a carefully crafted email of veiled hatred. If they are men, they are generally of the Wanker of the Week variety.

Gauche things to write to your lover/ex-lover in an email:

1. Alluding to them as a baby, especially as a baby suffering from urinary incontinence.

2. Wishing them the best of luck in “finding new friends.”

3. Asking for your CDs back from their bookshelf.

4. Asking for your store of condoms back from their nightstand.

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