I was dining at a chic Parisian restaurant when I heard the abrasive, American voice of a drunk girl. I turned my head to find Tara Reid, the D-List celebrity who is famous for partying too much and exposing her naughty bits to the paparazzi. She was in a popular, raunchy teen movie about 100 years ago and has been riding on that sub-fame wave ever since.

Most recently, she has been in the tabloids for being disgustingly thin again, and when I decided to approach her for an autograph (just for the idiotic, gauche rush of it). Tara seemed very disoriented when I politely asked for her to sign my notebook. She had trouble maneuvering my pen and spelling out my name. I think it was due to the fact that she hadn’t consumed solids in a couple of months, and all the champagne (and pseudo-fame) was going straight to her bleach-blonde head.

P.S. Neither of the blonde transvestites in the above photo is Tara Reid, in case you were jumping to the natural conclusion.

- Haley Hogan

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