The kids of my generation can be inordinately absurd, evidenced by the fact that I just used the expression “inordinately absurd.” Instead of being defined by fiery social change and the advent of free love, we are mired in Adderall addictions and trips to the therapist, where we grapple with our ennui, our parents’ divorces, and…wouldn’t you know it? The very Adderall addictions that began when the psychiatrist prescribed the zippy little drug to us as “easily distracted” twelve-year-olds.

Gauche things to do during a therapy session:

1. Saying, “Sorry I’m late! I would have been on time, but I was having sex with that boy—you know, the guy you wanted me to compose a ‘goodbye letter’ to after our session last week.”

2. Leaving your cell phone turned on and answering calls in the middle of the session, while not busy reading your emails.

3. Taking a photo of your therapist on your camera phone, and then saying, “Don’t worry. I just need a quick shot so I can upload a new post on Mytherapistiswhack.blogspot.com.”

4. Eating dinner, especially if the dinner you brought looks suspiciously like something taken from the fridge in the kitchen of your therapist’s office.

5. When told at the end of the session, “See you next week,” replying, “Yeah, hopefully.”

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