I was recently in the somewhat posh position of choosing a print to take home from the Yale University Art Gallery collection. Two dozen lithographs, engravings, and photographs were laid out in the pristine climate-controlled space on the fourth floor of the museum.

Gauche things to do in the Yale University Art Gallery Print Room:

1. Chewing gum.

2. Texting your friend as an art consultant to find out which print is the most valuable.

3. Googling the names of the artists on your Blackberry (for the same reason as applies to #2).

4. Selecting the only non-classical/old master/charming French pastoral print and opting for something that involves:
a) a transvestite
b) a tin man clutching two decapitated pig heads under his arms with a contented grin on his face. Naturally, this was my choice—I couldn’t imagine anyone wanting anything but such a display of sinister carnal delight…the photographer’s name is Michael Garlington and he is described as “David Lynch meets Leave it to Beaver.” In short, perfection.

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